Hence ... the Vader Mask.
Alas, it doesn't do cool sound effects, nor does it drop my voice by two octaves. Now THAT would be pretty awesome. But no. What it does seem to be doing, however, is allowing me to get sufficient airflow during the night to stop having apnea/hypopnea events. Which means I'm starting to get some decent sleep.
HALLELUJAH!!!!!
I've only had it for a few days, but so far I'm much happier. Despite my initial misgivings about comfort, I'm finding the full face mask to be a lot more comfortable than the nasal pillows. Only problem is the drool. Yes, I drool in my sleep. A lot, actually. And having my drool pool up in my mask each night and gather on the corners of my mouth instead of soaking into the pillowcase like I'm used to is kind of disgusting. But it is a small price to pay, and I'm more than willing to pay it.
Grossed out yet?
But seriously, I am definitely starting to notice a difference. I'm far from being "better", but I feel an improvement. Granted, I haven't been able to take full advantage of any ability to sleep more due to my schedule change, having started rehearsals for Urinetown this past week. So I'm still tired. But it's better. I'm getting a little of my mental clarity back. I have more energy and stamina. On Wednesday, I took a 3.5 mile hike, and it felt great! I'm dreaming again, in much longer stretches. All good stuff.
I'm actually amazingly grateful that the improvements started when they did, considering that I've started rehearsing another show. I don't think I could have made it through another rehearsal period feeling the way I did. I barely made it through Man of La Mancha. Truth be told, I feel really bad about how that ended up. I know I didn't do as good a job as I wanted to on that show, nor did I enjoy it as much as I could have. My poor castmates and the production team probably had no idea what was going on with me (okay, a few did), or why I was a sobbing emotional wreck throughout the process, or why I would have to go into the dressing room to put my head down on the makeup counter and "rest" during intermission instead of socializing with the rest of the cast. I hope some day I can make it up to all of them.
I'm also still extremely sensitive to noise while sleeping. Even with the 5mg of Ambien that I take every night. This makes me very sad. However, I'm still hoping that as my sleep improves, that part will go away. Because I can't wear earplugs, especially not with the CPAP mask. It physically hurts my ears. And noise-cancelling headphones are not comfortable for sleeping in. Not to mention I'd be afraid of sleeping through my morning alarm. So I will keep hoping on that one. But tonight will probably be another solo slumber night for me, because last night was good for snuggles, but not so good for sleep. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, a million times hate having to choose between the two of them.
So for now, I must continue to be patient, and just let the healing happen. That is admittedly hard for me. Once I get the sleep problem under control, I really need to start on a structured weight loss and exercise program. I am not at all happy with myself in that regard. However, I am also wise enough to know that it will be more beneficial to me to take one challenge on at a time. Not to say I can't work on increasing my exercise in little ways, and making smarter food choices. I can and I will. But the bigger effort needs to wait a little longer.
I will learn patience if it kills me ...
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