But you don't look sick ...

Yeah, I know, I couldn't wait until Wednesday.  So sue me ...

But seriously, I feel like I have gotten a better understanding and more empathy for people who suffer from "invisible illnesses" like lupus and fibromyalgia.  I'm not saying my experience has been equivalent to theirs (it hasn't), but I feel like I now have a closer feel for what they go through on a regular basis.  I definitely have a better understanding of the "spoon theory" (see link below).

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

Lately, I feel like someone keeps taking my spoons, one by one.  I used to have a whole drawer full of them, and I could do so much.  I could get up, go to the office, work all day, go to the gym for 2 hours, make dinner, and do a few chores around my apartment.  Now, I'm lucky if I can do two of those things in any given day.  Where did all my spoons go?

But I don't look or sound sick. So I must be exaggerating my fatigue, right?

Sorry.  Today was a hard day.  After being so active yesterday, and feeling so good (albeit tired), I think I may have allowed myself to think I'd be feeling better today.  That maybe the exercise and fresh air actually would tire me out to the point of being able to sleep better.  Someone even said as much on my Facebook page. I won't lie, it made me cry when I read it, since that person was someone I expected to have more understanding of the situation. It made me cry even harder today, when I was struggling to get through the last couple hours of my work day.

I've gotten to the point where I am actually paying someone to do the housework that I don't have the energy to do anymore.  Granted, she does a phenomenal job, and her rates are super reasonable, and I actually love being able to help my friends out financially by hiring them to do things for me that I need done.  On the other hand, it makes me feel like a failure, that I can't even do the simplest things that a homeowner should be able to do.

Damn spoons!  Who keeps stealing them?  I think I will blame Dale.  Dale is the ghost of the original owner of this house.  No, really, my house has a friendly ghost.  He comes in on occasion and hides my stuff just to mess with me.  He is quite good at it too.  Often I won't find my things for weeks, sometimes months.  That's it.  Dale is stealing my metaphorical spoons.  I don't think he likes our color scheme ...