This year was ... interesting. I definitely had a good time, as did Brian. We did not stay in the main hotel, but rather a slightly less expensive one across the street. They used to have parties and things over there as well, but due to some remodeling in the lobby area, are no longer able to do so. I don't think we will stay over there again. The question remains as to whether we will be willing, in future years, to spend the money on a hotel room at all, when the convention is 10 minutes from the Farmhouse.
But all in all, it was a fun weekend. We got to see people we like to hang out with in a much less stressful and drama-filled atmosphere than we have had a chance recently. There was definitely a lot less tension than I've felt at a Con in the last year and a half, and that was nice. Really nice, actually. I got a chance to do a little cosplaying, as I ran around in my pulled-together-at-the-last-minute gypsy costume. That was even nicer, being able to throw together a costume without spending any money, that was good enough that strangers wanted to take my picture in the hallway. I became Facebook friends with the Black Pope (woo hoo!), and hung out with a pirate captain and some friends of his (y'all know my weakness for pirates ...) And Brian and I got to enjoy a lovely breakfast in the same hotel lobby restaurant where we had our first breakfast date. Yeah, I'm a sucker for nostalgic tradition like that.
The biggest triumph for me, though, was the fact that I finally felt accepted by a particular social group for who Brian and I are, and liked for who we are, rather than just being "guested in" because Brian happens to share DNA with a prominent member of that social circle. That may not have actually ever been the case, or hadn't for a long time, but this weekend I finally really felt it. And it felt really good.
So why, you may be asking, am I babbling on about a Sci-Fi/Fantasy con on my SleepyKitty blog? What in the world does this have to do with my experiences with sleep apnea and my journey back to health?
Well, to be frank, despite the fun I had and the great people I met and the bonding I was able to do with friends, I feel horribly disappointed in the weekend as a whole. Weekend Con badges and two nights in an airport area hotel aren't cheap, and I don't really feel like I got good value for what we spent. And the reason I feel this way is because I never really felt well enough or energetic enough to get everything out of Con that I wanted to.
Maybe my initial expectations were too high, but somehow I expected to be feeling so much better by now. I thought I would take to the CPAP right off and be sleeping like a normal person right away. And that has not happened. Granted, I haven't had a night as bad as night #1. The second night I took 10mg of Ambien, and slept for about 6 hours with the CPAP. But then after those 6 hours, I was too uncomfortable, and had to take it off. The next night I think I made it 4 hours (only 5mg of Ambien that night), before taking it off. Last night I could only tolerate it for 5-10 minutes, so I slept my normal interrupted sleep the full night. No Ambien at all, due to the rather large quantity of Kraken rum I'd consumed earlier. Yeah, that wasn't one of my better decisions, but it could have definitely been worse.
However, even with several hours of CPAP assisted sleep, I seem to run out of energy so fast, feeling icky and tired and just wanting to crawl into a hole. I can't help wondering if this is normal, or if the apnea isn't really the cause to my ailments, and there isn't something else more seriously wrong with me. And if that is the case, am I going to have to go through the whole weary round of finding doctors and getting tests and figuring out exactly what that is. I seriously feel like I'm back at square one, not sure whether there is going to be any relief for me, or whether I just have to resign myself to feeling this way and having extremely limited energy. I don't know. I'm probably just doing the "Anxiety Girl" thing again.
But seriously, when does the whole "feeling better" thing start happening? Will I ever catch up on the sleep debt, and have energy for more than a few short hours at a time? Will I ever be able to sleep a full 8 hours straight without the assistance of a powerful sedative?
Ugh! So frustrating! Oh well, I suppose I just have to give it time ...
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